I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
