Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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