Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
