i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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