EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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