shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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