we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
