i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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