My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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