I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
