My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
