I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
