Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
