But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
