I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
