11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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