I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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