i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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