I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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