I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
