First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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