I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
