You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize