Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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