just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
