I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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