a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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