I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
