he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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