guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
