I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
