i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
