Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
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