i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
