I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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