2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
she smelled like a LAN party
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
