So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
