it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
