Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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