She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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