The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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