I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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