I wish I could teleport
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
