just survived the first fart of the relationship.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
