Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
