Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
