Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
