Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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