also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
