What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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