im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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