took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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