He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize