she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
