Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
