I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
