If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
