You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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