I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
