I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
