Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
