I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
