i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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