look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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