So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
