I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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