I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Randomize
