It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
