Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
