Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
