butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I believe in your delicious
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
