is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
