There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
