I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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