I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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