Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
