I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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