Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
