i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
