2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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