I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
