YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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