she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
