All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
