omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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