The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
