He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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