Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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