Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
