You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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