I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
