Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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