if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
