I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
