just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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