Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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