If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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