highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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