I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize