I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
