Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
