You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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