Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize