At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
