i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
