I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
