Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i believe in u and ur pee
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
