You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
