I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Found the puke drawer
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
